So, here we are again. Not quite as fat as I was, not quite as desperate from a health standpoint, but its close and I had to put the brakes on or it could very well have been back to square one for me. Lets review, I have been battling weight my whole life. I honestly didn't care much, or at least I had convinced myself that I didn't care much, until I turned 30 and a picture from my b-day celebration made me see the truth. I was very very fat, very very sick and very very in denial. What came next was a one year miracle that saw me lose 120 lbs. Check it out....
Yeah I know, holy shit..... one would think that with all that work, to loose the weight in the first place and to then transform my body into something else, that would have been more than enough to make the change permeneant. The mind though, can conspire. I met the woman of my dreams, married her, had kiddos and bam, before I knew it, the relapse was complete, I went from what you see above in 2004 to this mess in 2010......
Not pretty, not proud. I actually ended up weighing more there then I did in 2001. I think I topped out at about 320ish or so. Lucky for me, an opportunity came up to change my life once again. A contest based on the well known program Biggest Loser. Boy, did it ever work for me, I lost 48 lbs during that contest, and another 30 or so after, went from what you "that" to this.....
I didn't win the contest, but I won my life back, which frankly was the biggest part of it for me. I quit my office job, went to work in a lumber yard, was focused on maintaining and improving and that worked out quite well for a while. However, if I have learned one thing, the best laid plans often go astray and the minds way of rationalizing and seeking comfort zones can doom your efforts, these things never change and the battle rages all the time. I lost the battles for the last 6 months. I had much stress since Nov of 2010, sold a house, moved my family, got back into a stress filled job, began to comfort eat, came home from work day in and day out too drained mentally and physically to do much beyond eat and sleep, and before I knew it, I was back up to about 285-290 lbs again. It happened so quietly, so easily, its scary.
Well, here I am again..... as of today my scales tell me I am about 270 nekkid. That means I have lost about 15 or so pounds so far. My workplace began an in house biggest loser competition and I am using that to motivate. I have also made a public promise to a friend that in a year we would run a 5k and maybe more. I am trying to make a promise to myself that I am going to take it off this time and it WILL stay off. I hear myself make that promise and I don't feel confident in my resolve, I know myself, I know how I can slip, how I can slide back into the routines that hurt, how I can lie to myself, how I eat to cover stress. I know all of this but I am trying so hard to believe that the promise I make this time is true. I am hoping that YOU, my friends, my family, my boys and my soul mate can help me keep this promise. Hold me accountable, stop me from justifying mistakes, help me stay true, please, help me take this load off and keep it off. I will do it, I know I can lose it, I need to keep it off once I am there.
I don't know, hopefully one of you can suggest to me a new goal beyond the weight lose? I seem to do so well getting there when there is a target in sight, when I have a goal to strive for, but once I do get there I get mired down in the now what thought pattern, what I need is something beyond the 200 lb goal, what I need is something to aim for in a year, 2 years, 5.... 10 and beyond.....
I hope this blog helps, I hope you guys read my entries and if you sense a slip, please, call me out.....
200 lbs here I come, beyond that.... I need to think.....
what the hell, you and i start blogs on the same day? wieeeeeeeeeeeerd......lol
ReplyDeletesynchronicity my man.....
ReplyDeletenot the first time we've done it buddy.
ReplyDelete